Evolution of the female form

Before I got pregnant, I was working out with a trainer regularly, briskly walking at least an hour and a half a day and getting perfectly proportioned GI balanced meals delivered to me every day by Silouette Chefs. I had reduced my alcohol intkae substantially and nearly eradicated sugar with teh exception of my daily starbux fix. All of these changes to lifestyle and diet resulted in me looking much more toned and feeling much better, but having loss not a single pound (given in any week my body weight can fluctuate by six pounds either way). Imagine my frustration when after having put so much effort in for a few months, I couldn't justifiy buying a whole new wardrobe for my fabulous new body. I began and still suspect I may have a gluten intolerance or a thyroid problem and am investigating this with the assistance of a fantastic doctor I met in Mexico named Dr. Hyman.

This morning, slightly worried about the evil nature of my scale, I hesitently jumped aboard fearing the likely revelation. To my dismay, I have not gained a single pound. I'm not sure how this is possible given that my belly although only 18 weeks in it's evolutionary development is prominently opening doors for me in the most chivolrous way. I'm bigger now than some of my friends were at full term. My arms also appear bigger or perhaps simply flabbier. Certinanly the no lifting heavy things rule is affecting their tone. I'm simply astonished that my weight is the same. I'll check again at my next GP appointment on Monday to ensure that my evil scale isn't off kilter and becoming kinder with age. I've hear Gwen Stefani and other mums claim to have gained 60 pounds or more. I suppose I shouldn't worry too much, I'm sure I'll pack it on soon.

The strangest part of watching my body evolve is that I love getting bigger. I love to see my belly blowing up and am amazed by how it gets firmer as it gets bigger. How often does that hapen!? While doing some research online, I found a site dedicated to celebrating the changes a woman's body goes through during pregnancy - get this - even including the stretch marks and celluilite since they represent battle scars incurred bringing baby into this wretched world. I'm a little disappointed that my breasts are simply engorged to their normal period induced plumpness. My cousin went from a small 'B' to a 'D' and I'm hoping for the same kind of blessing only for curiosity's sake. I don't actually like massive breasts, but it would be fun to try them on for a while like coloured contacts. I decided to a bit of searching for photos on the internet of other women's breasts throughout each trimaester. God, you really can find anything on the internet including fetish hard core porn sites for men who get off on pregnant women acting likes whores. Nothing is sacred. I stumbled across a site (click on 007 Breast Gallery link) which was fascinating. It's got to be the widest array of photographic breast types ever compiled! After thoroughly reviewing each type, I'm even happier with my pert pups with perfectly formed pink nipples. What I want to know is whether all nipples turn brown after pregnancy? I really hope not.

Adding to all this is, of course, the pressure to bounce back like all the celebrities with full time trainers, nutritionists, chefs, nannies, minders and most importantly more control over their time. They say breastfeeding drops weight and certinaly walks with the pram can help until you're chasing around a toddler. I think it's going to take a lot more than that to get back to where I was and perhaps even improve on the older model. We can only dream...